Just when I think I’ve got everything figured out, everything decides to remind me that I’m not in charge.
And thank you God (my main Everything) for reminding me. Because when I start to think I’ve taken over – that’s when my life tends to get screwed up.
Speaking of “everything”, that’s what attitude is. Cliche sounding, I know, but this simple realization has been demonstrated – and finally reached me – numerous times in the last couple of weeks, good and bad. In the last 10 years, it been mostly bad because that’s what my attitude has been even though I thought I was trying SO hard to have a good attitude. Sounds like a carousel that’s spinning out of control, doesn’t it? It has been nauseating and dizzying, so not a bad metaphor. And I can’t honestly say what magic happened to bring that swirling mass of plastic animals and annoying circus music to a grinding halt. But it did. The circus is no longer in town, but it was intense.
So last night with my amazingly positive attitude that was SO easy to muster since removing the negativity from my life, I decided to turn my lack of funds into an opportunity. And I took the steps needed to make it happen. Or so I thought.
Out of my sincerest desire to keep my loved ones out of the midst of what is mine to fix, I discovered yet again that I am loved. Not pretend, desperate or false love, but the kind of love that forgives over and over again even when I’ve been at my worst. The kind of love that picks me up when I’m down, and then reaches out for me when I’m strong enough to give it back. The love of people who have taught me what it looks like to be loved properly and truly. And there, because of them, I will never again accept anything less.